i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
