I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
