My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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