You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
