She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
