you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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