Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
