I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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