Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
