1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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