At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
