So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
