we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How naked do you want me to be?
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