I didn't shave. On purpose
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
