and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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