The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
