i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
