Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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