Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
