Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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