Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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