i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
