just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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