I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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