? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
