just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
