I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
