Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize