My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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