I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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