But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
