They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
