just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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