i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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