if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
