week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
