is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize