ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize