when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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