Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
