Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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