I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
