So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
