You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
