a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
