I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
