which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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