finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
