I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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