she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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