Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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