shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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