I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
