jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
