fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
