I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
