i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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