I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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