mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
