Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
