I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
