i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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