please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
