ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
