My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
