OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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