drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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