im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I look better un-naked...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize