you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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