I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
