the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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