I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
