Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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