I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't trust your balls anymore.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
