My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
