Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We need to rekindle our bromance
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
