Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
