I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
