It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We left the knife in your bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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