He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize