Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
