I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize