I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
