At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
BRING THE BAGELS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
