And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
