I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
