come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
