I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
