Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
