i was born a porn star she said
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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