someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
