i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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