is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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