And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize