ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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