he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
