would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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